The Pursuit Of Happiness Part 2:Weakening Perseverance

Hey people,I'm back.It's obvious that I should finish what I started so yeah..

Now,I was speaking of my dad moulding me into what he wanted,which,out of all things,is to be an engineer just like him.Basically he rattled me by ranting around the fact that I didn't take physics means that I took out 80% of a known occupations.He too mentioned that science subjects should be together.Seriously,I don't really find any connection AT ALL between biology and civil engineering.I wouldn't really say that the 3 of them should be together.Take out bio and you're out of fields related to scientific research,physics and you're not like Bob The Builder.Only chemistry I believe is adamant behind these fields,but generally is more on the scientist field of work.By the way,80%??I wouldn't say that.Probably 40-50%,yes,maybe(as far as I could think.if you guys have any figure,don't mind if you show me)

That's what I have to say.I didn't take accounts either,meaning I'm not following the respective paths my parents took.I'm not into construction(I'd preferscout structures ONLY) nor accounting(No-brainer.I wouldn't want to sit in a chair for 10 hours a day almost everyday just to count the cash of the company for my boss and also getting my butt big).Sure,they've known the road,but does it still remain unchanged?The world can be unpredictable.They might be right,they might not,but what I take is what I choose.I can't really figure why shouldn't I try something new...whether it's a tennis player,teacher,or an archaeologist,etc,etc.I've been priviledged to be a kid having done so many things that I enjoy,but why put a lid on what I want to be and poke a hole towards the path you've gone through?Basically,I AM DIFFERENT,AND EVERYBODY IS.I would follow if that's what I want,but too bad it's not.

Now that I'm 15 and in Grade 11(I still feel inferior to you guys) it's about time I should start thinking for what course I should take in university(Don't know where,but I've set my sights on Queensland University,regardless mum or dad want it or not).I'm not really sure if it's just me,but I have still not chosen a particular field of work I want to be specialized in.I've been considering an advice one guy gave to me when I travelled home by bus from school:"Sometimes you don't really know what you're gonna do,so probably you'll take some courses and see if you like it or not until you've eventually found the right one." Yeah,I'm still lost,but without faith from anyone,not even my dad,it's time I should find my desires stealthily without creatng a ripple in the water.

Now,I just have something short about my mum.Basically I don't know if periods have something to do with this,but occasionally(wait,very often)she would practically backstab anyone against her.She has a bad habit of calling people "too proud".Hewitt(agreed before,like 5 years ago,but he's changed now),Djokovic and even me(what??!!).Look who's talking,and don't forget,if I were what you said,I WOULD HAVE GOT IT FROM YOU,IN CASE YOU DIDN'T NOTICE.In fact,the "proud" person shouldn't be anyone mentioned.WHY CAN'T SHE POSSIBLY KEEP HER THOUGHTS TO HERSELF(Now's not a time to use that against me as I'm BLOGGING HERE)??!!SHE ENDLESSLY TRIES TO MAKE OTHERS SEE HER AS A "FIGURE OF HOPE".Ain't gonna do so if this continues...

The other day mum wanted me to get a piece of yellow paper with Internet subscription.I couldn't find it,until she realised IT WAS PINK.'Huhhhhhhh...."I sighed,meaning:"oh,so itwas pink,not yellow...".The next thing was;"WHAT HUH??!!WHAT HUH??!!WHERE'S YOUR MANNERS???!!" and tossed an extra paper back from her hand which held the pink piece A4.
It really disgusted me when she sounded like an electrocuted duck,so I proceeded to my room,and quietly closed the door(I didn't slam.She'll pick a fight if I do,and she loves to do so).What happens next is up to you,but she sounded ABSOLUTELY fake the moment other people came in.It's so annoying to hear that fake,soft laughter.......

I didn't add the fact that both my parents sound as if they're DIVORCED.Yeah,they seriously do.It's so bothering me,being the only child and witnessing the catastrophic relationship they have.It's like mum makes a fuss out of some little matter and made dad angry.And when dad "wins" the argument and is out of sight,mum silently blasts at him.

The other day Dad said to me,telling me to help him to get mum out of her "Locked World".HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT??!!YOU'RE THE HUSBAND HERE,AND I'M THE CHILD.I'M NOT SOME MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR!!IT'S UP TO YOU TO DO SOMETHING,NOT FLY ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE CONTINENT AND WORK,LEAVING ME TO DO THE JOB OF PATCHING YOUR MARRIAGE TO HER WHEN SHE BASICALLY GOES HER WAY WHENVER SHE LIKES.IN FACT,I AM THE RESULT OF BOTH OF YOU,AND IF YOU'RE ASKING THE EVIL THAT WAS CONCEIVED INTO THIS WORLD ON MARCH 3,1994,WHY NOT JUST END ME RIGHT NOW!!I'M PRACTICALLY RIGHT HERE!!

Geez,I seriously could take a whole bottle of anti-depressants and still be worse than Kurt Cobain(search Wiki if you don't now who he is).It still remains the fact that I don't do drugs,nor smoke or drink,but seriously,I can't really withstand this much punishment that was dished out towards me(and probably myself).Where'd I go,I don't know.I've lived to see the harsh reality that came from a manga I've read.

This manga was Neon Genesis Evangelion Volume 5 Page 74

:"People only live by their own strength.They grow by their own strength.Only infants need parents.Stand on your two feet and walk.I learned to do the same."

It sounds ridiculous.But somehow,I believe we all remain infants,yet we are parents,parents of our own destiny.So tell me,aren't co-workers like infants and parents?Are we really considered grownups by the rule of the quote written above?Ignorance may be bliss,but it ALSO is the cause to destruction.It's up to you to decide whether I'm insane or not.Correct me if I'm wrong,but I might just possibly be a person desperaly crying for help,hoping others to find faith in him.Yet I know,I might have to walk alone in the boulevard of broken dreams,towards the reaity....