I walk the lonely road

It's a matter of life and death.

Here I am,sitting in front of the computer and probably the last time I will ever post before I make my decision:To chase the dream or to stop and stare.

I have to admit,losing's never a nice thing.It's hard to let go when you knew you had it,and spectators don't help.Even if you're some successful athlete done with your career and commentating on the sport that you used to do,it still doesn't help.I mean,we have our own expectations,and when we couldn't meet it,there will be others telling you what went wrong when you're already beating yourself up.Ok,you're done beating yourself up,but the degrading continues.You're not capable of handling any more beatings,and so you prefer to lock yourself up in your room in the dark,reaching the state of thinking:"This is it......No more......What's next...."

That's how I felt today,Saturday,October 17th 2009.The day almost nothing went right..

I'm not gonna explain it in details because I've got to go to bed soon or I'll be having a 12 barrel shotgun pointed to my head(overexaggerating...).Simple:Dad's back today,my tennis was awful,and when it got better,it was against wayy better players.I lost top my partner for the 1st time today,and I was baked....

There has to be an end to winning and I'm not used to losing this badly(like,4 matches in a row?(O.O) But I look back at it and just tried to shrug it off as a really bad day in the courts,but on my way home,it was wayy worse than that.I was lumbering like a tortoise all the way,and when I got back.CRASSSHHHHH!!Nap time.....

I woke up 2 hours later to find dad shaking me.How nice =.= and if I'm not wrong,he slept for the whole afternoon.....And after that,things were normal,except for no reason whatsoever his face turned dark and began barking.Wow,those cigarettes really have an effect....

I'm still pretty fragile for now,but what I want you all to know is that I'm not really in the mood to do anything that cheers me up.I mean,dad thinks I'm picking the wrong friends(he keeps on thinking that I hang out with James,a Korean who's logic is worse than a 4 year old and isn't good enough to fool me with his acting and just keeps on asking absolutely silly questions[I mean,I'm considered "dumb and stupid" by mum(wait till she has him as the kid.She think's he's nice and NO HE AIN'T) but James takes 1st place in idiocracy wayy ahead of anyone].

It's really sickening to hear parents saying that they're know-it-alls(they can be true,but often they're misfiring and they think they aren't) and some tend to have that "Not me,all you" mentality (which can be correct depending on the situation.And then there's some that snap and blow up when mistakes are made(again,depending on the situation,it could be right or wrong).However,what I was surprised is that some will get frustrated at their kid's continuous persistency to ask or repeat when they themselves do the same thing and when we offsprings gave up on it,they'll pounce and point their fingers at you because they think it's your fault.

Well,the post isn't supposed to end like this,but unfortunately I have to go

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's f*cked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...